the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
