I wish I only lived at night.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
