I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
