theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
