When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
