turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm both gender and math confused
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
