3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I need a burrito and a hug.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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