Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
