just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We have started to decorate penises.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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