I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
