were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
