dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
