I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
How many fucks given?
0.12846
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
