I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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