two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
