pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
