i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
