I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
