Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
