she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
