I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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