this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
