dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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