I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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