you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
you had me at cake vodka
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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