I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
