i just google imaged poop.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Your penis caused this!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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