If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
