I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Four minutes until I can fart!
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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