just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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