Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
