I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
