hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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