Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
