Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
