I don't remember. Are we still dating?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
