Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
