and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
We named our party play list daddy issues
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
