oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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