Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
