i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Randomize
