Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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