It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
