people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
