Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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