bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
