There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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