i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
