i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We just shotgunned beers for America
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
