Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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