I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
