I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
