she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Randomize
